Peace Arch... and some more longing.

Well this morning was okay. I was half-lazy, half-sick... or maybe 1/4 lazy, 3/4 sick. I didn't go to the Sunday devotion again, because I was just too sick to get up. I even thought I won't be able to back up; I had no voice, really. I just decided to go on stage at the last minute. I was like 'should I stay or should I go now', *insert music here* LOL. But God is really good, at least He did let me stand even though I can't move that much and I feel like I'm gonna faint. =p. I didn't go back there for the ministering after the word and the victory though, I just can't do it.

Hectic, hectic, hectic sched. School's starting on Tuesday. But not for me... it starts tomorrow. =/ Well I have to go there tomorrow for this training thing and what not. I should just skip the whole thing and go somewhere else - out of province, perhaps?

I would say I didn't really enjoy my summer. At least I had this nice weekend with my family... oh and CYN Camp. But other than that, it was pretty... plain. No trips to Pinas, not even a single trip to Victoria. My parents and I had this small talk about us not going anywhere... I know I had made my point though. I was starting to get really tired of seeing the same four-cornered place, same intersections and stop lights, same stuff over and over again. I want something new; I feel like Surrey is choking me to death. I'm not claustrophobic but I feel like I'm locked up in a tight, secluded place and I'm gasping for breath.

Awesome though, we went to Peace Arch today. For the first time ever, I've stepped on US soil. LOL. And I never even realized I've crossed the geographic border already (not the barricaded one). I could've taken a picture of my first step! LOL, tourist. Another memory etched on my heart. =D Anypoo, it's always nice to run away from all craziness and be with my family; I always know that I'm home when I'm with them. Aww. Mush-mush-much. Few months from now, I'm going to cross that border... but for now, I'm happy seeing that other side. It makes the wait so much exciting. Kinda like love...

'put that past away... put that past away... put that past awwwaaaayy', expect for something great...no, greater... PERFECT.

I know I have my unfinished business that is yet to be done, but I shouldn't be so lost in it. You are just another northern star; that's all you'll ever be.


Some 'cham'callitz:

-- Something confirmed, another northern star added to my constellations. When will I ever see the end of the rainbow? I'm waiting Lord.

-- Saw my long-time-no-see friend, Marvin, today.

-- Bit disappointed with Duty Free, but then again, it is Duty Free anyway. =p

Bloggnish bloggnish and whatcham'callitz.

SO I just realized, well not really "just realized" since I've been aware of this since...some time ago, I might have an account in every blog site imaginable (Okay I might have exaggerated a bit). What to do then? It's good to only have one active, two or more is just a hassle. =/ I could've had my own domain if Wordpress hadn't made my head ache so badly. LOL. Anypoo-poo. Bloggnish bloggnish, we'll see how it goes.

Ooh yeah, speaking of whatcham'callitz, my friends and I went downtown to watch this really nice Filipino movie. It's entitled "A Very Special Love". It was nice seeing new reel-life couples. This one has Sarah Geronimo and John Lloyd Cruz - yeah I know, but hey infairness it was a really good team-up. I love how it's so funny too, Sarah's a natural, and John Lloyd... is really gwapo. =D
If I haven't been distracted by the fact that... *secret, I'm not telling*, I could've enjoyed it better.

~*Going through Your first stanza, will you take me to Your Chorus now?*~

Coffee with Jesus

Coffee with Jesus

"What exactly is prayer? Is it a time for us to tell Jesus about all of our problems and ask him to fix them? Or, rather, is it a two-way conversation with our Lord and Savior? When you pray, who does most of the talking? Do you ever let Jesus get a word in?"


Watch this, this is very true.

Aboard the Emotional Rollercoaster...again.

Undo - Rush of Fools

This song really speaks to me a lot at this point in time. "I've been here before, now here I am again..." Oh yeah, that's how I'm feeling. I feel like I'm in a carnival, and I'm riding in a rollercoaster; however, it's not something that I usually enjoy - not when I've been riding it over and over again.

Have you ever gone aboard the "Emotional Rollercoaster"? Oh I have been, and I'm on it right now. It's a weird and overwhelming feeling, really, that if someone would ask what my problem is, I would have no clue as to what I would say. I know I have a lot to mention, but for some reason, my mind will just go blank even though my heart feels like bursting out.

Why can't I just continue with what I know is right? Why still fall in spite of the truth that lies within my heart? For some reason, something is stopping me, or should I say, someone is trying to lure me away from You.

I need You Jesus. :(

The Start of the Journey

Honestly, I don't really know how I would start this blog right now. But then I think I just did! Haha, anyway, it's 2:32 am and I believe I should be doing something else - sleeping, to be exact. However, I really want to grab this opportunity to take you on a journey that has just been started and maybe a trip down memory lane.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." - Jeremiah 33:3

As a kid, I had a very extensive imagination. Actually, I believe I haven't really lost my lifetime ticket to Lala-land. Oh you know - the land of kings and queens, fairies and magic, royal balls and Prince Charming, porcelain dolls and tiaras, castles and towers, candies and sweets. I have tons of fairytale books and I occasionally borrow the VHS versions especially when I visit my hometown and see my cousins. From Cinderella and Snow White to Ariel and Belle, it was almost a nonstop ride to the land of happy endings. Oh I dreamt of that - being a princess, finding my one true love, having a prince who will sweep me off my feet, wearing puffy ball gowns and glass slippers, and living happily ever after. I love fairytales and fantasies... and science experiments. I know, that's how wide-ranged my imagination was: fact to fiction. I also dreamt of building a mini hovering vehicle - or a flying scooter maybe - just because I wanted to really make those science fiction movies come to life. I began to spend my after-school hours inside a HUGE public library (yes, high ceiling!) researching about the Wright Brothers, and scanning through big bulks of Encyclopedia just for fun. I loved the feel of their leather-bound covers, the look of the gold lining on the edges and on the side; I adore the anquity of some of these precious treasures. And yes, from futuristic to ancient and from science to arts - my mind traveled to-and-fro. So you could also imagine what else I loved and still love, vintage! I was a discovery enthusiast: I used to always go inside this tiny room at my grandparents' house and peek into antique closets with all these hidden compartments. I found lots of coins from the 1900s, a few old gold watches, old photographs, and letters. This was like treasure hunting for me, and indeed I considered my findings as treasures. My imagination ran wild whenever I played, and my mind traveled to many places with the books I read.

SO WHAT? ... Remember that verse I quoted above? Many would say that it is God's personal telephone number, a hotline that never goes busy. But I've just realized how much more it meant to me and how much more I can relate to God through it (Oh my goodness, I'm telling you, as I am typing and thinking, God is explaining this to me better). Recently, I really wanted to patch up my relationship with God; I long for my prayers to be more than just petitionary, but for them to really be relational and intimate. Gone are my nights of lifeless talks and routine-driven prayers - at least that is what I really wanted. But I don't know where to start or how to start; I cannot even focus on intercession because I know I have to pray for something more important. I even feel selfish because I've been praying a lot for myself lately than for others; but I know that before I can even minister to others, I have to be ministered first.

If we were to talk about phone lines, here's an illustration of my conundrum (well, not really, I just want to say something fancy): Ever ordered pizza through the delivery service? Well, I haven't, but I've seen enough movies so I think I know where I'm going with this. Haha! Isn't it that when you call, you just basically state your business of calling - which is getting your pepperoni pizza and diet coke - and hang up right after the deal is done? Usually you do, except when you prank call, but that's out of the topic. It is basically the same as petitionary prayers, "Lord I want this, I want that. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Amen." Translated to pizza delivery language, "I want a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and sauce, and a large diet coke. Thank you." I usually do that, less praisy, more asky. I praise God just because it is part of ACTS (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication), not because I really want to with all my heart.

"Lord, I praise you and magnify your Holy Name... by the way, here's my list of
needs and the list of others' needs too."

The longer I pray like this, the more it becomes a burden than a joy. I know at some point I need to stop; I just won't survive this boring routine of doing my devotion every 9pm. I have to find THE missing piece. And that is what I have learned... I have to have a heart-to-heart talk with the pizza guy. Oooooohh, ahhh-wkk-waardd. I know, and if it were happening in real life, uh yeah, that would be a trip to planet Woo - Land of the weird! See my point? It is awkward when I don't know the person that well or at all! Let's say, sure I want to, but how or where do I start? THAT is my problem, how do I not only talk to that person on the other line, but also converse...intimately? But the best thing about this is that God isn't just a pizza guy; he is way more than that, WAY more. He will never feel weird when I start to draw near to Him and begin to ask "How did your day go Lord?" (Although technically, since one day for Him is a thousand years for me, my question is yet to be answered...in the year 3000. But, might as well give Him a good chuckle. Haha.) But how do I really get to be intimate with God?

Here is His answer: Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. Okay, so I call, He answers. But wait... He'll tell me of great and unsearchable things I do not know? Looks like treasure hunting to me! And he is the one to give the treasure map. This is what He is telling me: renew your passion for discovery, let your spiritual imagination run wild, fulfill your vision, ignite your childlike faith, SEEK ME AND YOU WILL FIND ME. Peek more into the hidden compartments and delight more in seeing high towers of countless hard, leather-bound books; adore the mystery of God and long to see the treasure that is in Him. Do not give up the dream of making a flying scooter, and do not forget Cinderella and Ariel. In other words, I must use my beginning to look forward to the end. I must go back to my first love.

I may not know yet how to work it out exactly as God wants me to use it; nevertheless, it is the start of countless discoveries I will make, the beginning of God's unfolding of His treasure map. He did not put this passion in my heart for no reason; oh He knows how excited I get with mysteries (that's why I loved reading Nancy Drew books). He also knows that I am losing it slowly, and He doesn't want that to happen. I bet my heavenly Papa, my great storyteller, the captain of my ship, the author of my story, and the treasure of my heart has tons of incredible things to show me... did I mention He is currently working on my love story, too?

Yep, who said Prince Charming is a myth? Not with my author. ;)

Stay tuned. God bless!

"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple." - Psalm 27:4

~*Living the Love Song*~