Fragrance and Thorns

Sometimes I do feel a slight prick in my heart whenever I see couples who are very much happy and in love. Often times I just don't care, especially when I see younger couples who seem to be ecstatic about having someone to cuddle up with.

Sometimes I do feel sad; sometimes it just doesn't matter anymore. I do have thoughts in my mind - when will my turn be? Is there really someone out there that God has set apart for me? Or what if He wants me to be single for the rest of my earthly life? I want to make sense of things. I want to know His plans.

Sometimes I do ask - why this? Not that I hate it, not that I like it either. It just confuses me a lot. I've had my fair share of grave mistakes in the past and I don't want to repeat history. I've read somewhere that if you want to raise your caliber as a woman, you must set a high standard for men. Exactly, I don't want to give my heart out to anyone who walks by and asks for it; I'm happy I got over the "he's cute so he'll make a great bf" stage.

Sometimes I want to do things my own way; sometimes I do get tired of waiting. Sometimes I'm stuck in the middle, and that's where I am actually... well, let's say most of the time. I want to believe that there will come a time wherein I would see God's perfect match for me. He need not be perfect like those fairytale princes and romance novel hunks, 'coz when he is God-given, I'm sure he's the ONE. But when? Or what if I'm waiting for nothing? I'm confused.

Sometimes I just can't find the answer myself, even if I look through every page in the Bible. I mean, I know it's there but I do need help finding it and understanding it; I'm not a one-man band, I need help. I do thank God 'coz He does speak to me wherever I lay my eyes on. Just a few things I've read:

"Yet in the Bible, those who followed God's leadership and guidance when searching for a soulmate (Isaac) fared better than those who tried to do it their own way (Jacob, David, Solomon, etc.)" - Brian Tubbs [that I haven't noticed before]

Demoss exhorts singles not to make marriage and sex their objective, but rather to become a godly lover as Christ did. "If we’re to become more Christlike, we’ll need to learn that generosity and serving others is at the heart of the matter," concludes DeMoss in Sex & the Single Person. "In doing, we’ll best prepare ourselves for life whether we remain single or married." [I like this one. Godly lovers.]

"Honor God with your life. Keep your vows to him even if it hurts. It will pay off in the long run." - (I forgot who said this.. credits to you) [True that.]

It still hurts. It does, but I can't afford to lose my relationship with the One who loves me the most. Although the pain may mask my heart and my eyes, causing me not to see the love He is constantly giving me, but it's there. I just have to see it, it is right there.

But few things are for sure,

I'd rather be single than be with the wrong one...

I'd rather be single than be lost in the world of earthly lust and immorality...

I'd rather be single than hate myself afterwards for not listening to what God is saying about marriage and relationships...

I'd rather be single than be addicted to pseudo-affection... and pain.

I want to find my contentment in You, Lord.